Children and mistakes: A part of growing up

Children make mistakes, and as parents, we are obligated to correct them and show them the right way. But are we always doing it the right way? This is something parents need to reflect on during every phase of their child's life. When they are in kindergarten, you might be correcting them for their lying habit, while a few years later, you find yourself nagging them to study or do chores. At times, it may feel like raising a child is so tough, and you may long for the days when they would listen to you easily. But have you thought about it from the other side? Aren’t children supposed to make mistakes? 

When adults make mistakes, how can children not? They are still growing, discovering new things, and, as part of their development, they will make mistakes. Parents play the role of guiding these tiny humans through different stages of growth. Let’s accept that children will make mistakes. The real question is: how do we correct them or show them the right way? The answers can vary—from explaining how to do things correctly to sometimes even resorting to punishment. As a parent mentor, I come across many parents who believe that children cannot be handled without punishment. From previous generations, we have become accustomed to the idea of punishment as a means of exerting control. But is there another way? Can we approach correcting children's mistakes by making small changes and building a relationship based on mutual trust and respect? 

Consequences of punishment in children

When a child receives punishment, how does it make them feel? Do they immediately realize the impact of their mistake and correct it? No! Imagine a father punishing his child for lying about something. Concerned about his child's honesty, the father punishes the child whenever he finds out they have lied. The child may go through emotions like fear, sadness, shame, and even a sense of disappointing the parent. What are the negative impacts of this? The child, feeling sad from the interaction, may develop fear toward the parent and stop lying in their presence. But what will happen when the father is not around? The child will return to the same behavior. So, how to handle kids in the correct way?  Guiding children the proper way One effective way to handle such issues is through open communication and setting clear, reasonable boundaries. Instead of resorting to punishment, a parent can have a calm conversation with the child about the importance of honesty, explaining why it's necessary to tell the truth. This approach helps the child understand the reasoning behind the rules and makes them feel heard, rather than just reprimanded. Encouraging the child to take responsibility for their actions and offering alternatives, like discussing the consequences of lying, can also foster a sense of ownership and cooperation. The goal should be to guide the child with empathy and understanding, rather than control through fear. By offering constructive feedback and working together on solutions, the parent-child relationship grows stronger, built on trust and respect. One key factor to remember is that children respond better to correction when there's a foundation of trust and connection, so let’s prioritize building that bond. 

A note for the parents out there 

Understanding things from your child's perspective can help the parents to take an empathetic approach towards the kids. Building a relationship with your child based on mutual respect and understanding, without elements of fear, requires patience and effort from the parent, but the benefits are well worth it.