Punishing kids to make them better. Is it right or wrong?

A few years ago, as the concept of Gentle parenting gained popularity in India, it faced significant backlash.

There were debates on how this new way of parenting can be a threat to the Indian cultural values. There were articles discussing how a kid raised through gentle parenting will fail to respect the elders.

Later many parents, especially millennials have accepted and tried to grasp how gentle parenting works.

Why Punishment Still Feels Normal

Recently, I came across a video in Instagram, where a parent claimed that she punishes her children deliberately, so they perform better next time and bring good grades.

Also, she believes that it is her right to punish the kids and show them ‘the right path’.

This left me thinking how punishment is still perceived as the way of disciplining and raising children in the right path, even though we keep learning more about guiding children without punishment.

Understanding the Parent’s Struggle

As a psychologist and parent mentor, I work with many parents who prefer not to punish their children but sometimes end up spanking or shouting at them to control the situation.

Most of the time, the parent becomes frustrated after repeatedly asking the child to do something, leaving punishment as the only way to discipline.

While the after- effects of punishment in children will be being upset and scared, for the parent it will be carrying the guilt of hurting the child. This guilt can be so intense that it might leave the parent questioning their abilities as a good parent.

While addressing this issue in clients, I always acknowledge the wish of parents to raise children in the best way, teaching them the right thing and making them independent. Most of the time, children fail to understand the purpose behind their parents’ requests, which leads them to not fully appreciate or value the parent’ instructions.

How Gentle Parenting Helps

When the parent’s intentions are right, and child fails to grasp it- instead of punishing, what can be the solution?

Here is where the way of gentle parenting comes into effect, especially when parents build the self-awareness and emotional steadiness discussed in Unlocking Life Skills for Working Parents: Self-Awareness and Self-Regulation and Parenting Guidance: Stay Calm & Patient as a Parent.

Gentle Parenting is an approach that focuses on connecting with your child on an emotional level, being empathetic, and modelling respectful behaviour while setting boundaries.

What This Approach Emphasizes

1. Connecting with your child on an emotional level.
2. Being empathetic.
3. Modelling respectful behaviour while setting boundaries.
4. Understanding your child’s feelings.
5. Teaching emotional regulation and guiding them through positive discipline rather than punishing them.

The benefits of gentle parenting go beyond strengthening the bond with the child, extending to helping them develop essential skills like empathy, emotional intelligence, and resilience.

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For the Parents Making a Difference

Parenting is never an easy job; it requires a lot of patience, and when it comes to gentle parenting, the effort is even greater.

Choosing to adapt a parenting style that you are unfamiliar with or that is different from how your parents raised you is truly commendable and requires great courage.

The results will be worth the effort you invest, as it lays a strong foundation for your child’s emotional well-being and growth.